


it's called a crush because it crushes you

by sweetcreekbiscuit



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Depression, Drunken Confessions, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, One Shot, Secret Crush, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-07
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:21:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22606198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetcreekbiscuit/pseuds/sweetcreekbiscuit
Summary: I don't know what I did, but enjoy this mess of a one-shot I guess :'D
Relationships: Kyle Broflovski & Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh
Comments: 2
Kudos: 79





	it's called a crush because it crushes you

Why does love have to be so complicated? It has to be nice, comforting, warm, joyful, breathtaking, amazing, a unique experience. Right?

Wrong. For Stan it was the worst - worse than anger, rage, sadness and jealousy. It was painful, depressing, suffocating. To look at the person he loves, and know that that person won't ever return his feelings.

He was 13 when he first realized his crush on Kyle, but didn't think much of it. It was just a simple little crush that seemingly didn't last long. He fell in and out of love, convincing himself that he was just confusing his friendly love with romantic feelings. But every time he saw Kyle, every time Kyle smiled at him, called his name, hugged him, his heart skipped a beat traitorously, like it wanted to jump out and right in Kyle's hands. If he didn't know better, he sure as hell could try and reach in his ribcage to pull that muscle out and present it to Kyle, to let him see that it was beating so hard because of him.

But Stan learned to suppress those wrong feelings for his best friend, silently falling deeper and deeper into a pit of darkness to wallow in the depression that ate him alive. All of his days were spent the same way - wake up; go to school; talk to Kyle; laugh with Kyle; feel some faint hope that Kyle felt the same way; then watch him turn his back as he goes about his school day, talking with girls who always seemed to be an inch too close to him; go home; drink while he was alone at home; cry himself to sleep while thinking that he wasn't good enough for Kyle and never would be.

He was 16 when Kyle confided in him. He remembered it clearly - Stan's sixteenth birthday when he received not only a gift, but a confession that Kyle actually liked boys. It came as a surprise, a pleasant surprise to Stan. He had hugged Kyle then, told him that he felt the same way, overwhelmed with hope that maybe, just maybe, Kyle could come to like him one day. But that was the closest he ever came to a confession.

Then, at the age of eighteen, after many drained bottles of alcohol and many talks with Kenny, Stan finally found it in himself to go and spill his feelings to Kyle just because that was their last year together, so he wouldn't have to bear with avoiding Kyle for long. That was, if Kyle was to reject him, which he would surely do.

After another half bottle of liquid courage, Stan finally texted Kyle if he was okay with him coming over to talk about something important. Of course, Kyle, being the perfect, most loyal best friend ever replied with a 'you don't have to text me, just come'. Stan's heart jumped in joy at how wonderful Kyle could be, but remembered about the task at hand and he had to take another sip or two for his anxiousness to go away.

Then off he went, out of the comfort and safety of his room, out of the house and going over to Kyle's house, ringing the doorbell. He leaned his arm on the doorway and his forehead to the crook of his elbow. He was starting to get dizzy, his vision darkening a bit. Maybe he shouldn't have drunk so much... But he could at least still walk and think straight, so there wasn't a problem. Right?

At last, the door opened, revealing Kyle who was just about to smile, but instead frowned and placed a careful hand on Stan's shoulder.

"Stan? Are you okay?"

Stan nodded despite knowing what the real answer was. He stepped in when Kyle moved back, closed the door behind him and looked around.

"Is there anyone... uh... else here?" Stan spoke slowly, his mind already struggling to catch up with what he was saying.

Kyle knitted his brows in confusion, shook his head no and walked over to the couch to sit down. He gestured Stan to come too and wrapped an arm around his shoulders when he did.

"What's wrong?"

"Everything." Stan replied sincerely and started to lean into the touch, but stopped himself in time and instead looked down at his feet.

"You know you can tell me about it, right?" Kyle offered a small smile and turned to face his friend.

"But you'll probably hate me if I tell you."

Stan finally looked up just in time to see Kyle's smile fading, his face contorting with worry again. He pressed his lips in a tight line and tried to focus on the oh so beautiful green eyes of his best friend, of the person he loved the most.

"Dude, I won't hate you. We're super best friends, remember? Whatever you say or do, I'm with you." Kyle assured, his thumb running in soothing circles on Stan's shoulder.

He didn't press on Stan for answers, instead waiting for him to start talking when he was ready. Stan appreciated that, and yet again realized that Kyle was too good to be true. Too good for him.

"I..." Stan started, then paused to swallow the lump in his throat. He clenched his fists and took a deep breath. He felt his heart thumping wildly against his ribcage again, his stomach churning. He shot a quick glance to the door and made a small plan of say everything and run. So he steeled himself as much as he could despite his whole body's trembling. "I love you, Kyle. As in, uh, romantic way, but- I'll understand if you don't feel that way, I just needed to tell you because- because I'm..." He didn't realize how fast he was talking until he ran out of breath and had to clutch his chest to try and calm down. Kyle just stared at him in shock, so Stan stood up slowly. "I'm sorry, I'll go now."

Though just as he turned to leave, Kyle grasped his hand, got up and pulled him to force him to turn around. Before Stan could even register it, Kyle had already cupped his cheeks and kissed him. Stan's eyes shot wide open when he realized what was happening. He barely even heard Kyle saying 'me too', then hugging him tight.

"Wh- What... What? You... You what?" Stan blinked rapidly to snap from his daze, but still couldn't understand if what was happening was real or a dream. But Kyle's warmth, the feeling of his cheek pressed on Stan's neck showed that it was very real. And still, Stan couldn't believe.

"I love you too." Kyle repeated and pulled back just enough to look at Stan, his expression softening as he smiled warmly. "I've waited until now, all this time to hear this because I didn't have the courage to confess myself. I thought you would reject me and- shit... Stan, please-" Kyle brought his hands up again to wipe the tears that started rolling down Stan's cheeks.

Stan huffed out a dry laugh. So all this time they loved each other, but neither of them wanted to say anything?

This must be a dream, Stan figured and reached up slowly to wrap his arms around Kyle. He pulled him closer, breathing in his scent and trying hard to stop the tears from falling. He felt Kyle heaving a breath too before releasing it slowly as they both tried to comfort each other.

"God... I can't believe this." Stan mumbled after a while. He looked down at his hands where they were grasping Kyle's shirt. He felt like if he released Kyle now, he would disappear, so he tightened his grip even more. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"I didn't want our friendship to be ruined if I told you and you rejected me." Kyle replied quietly, his hands still running up and down Stan's back. "So I tried with subtle hints, like Kenny told me. Guess it didn't work that well."

"Kenny?" Stan pulled back unwillingly, his face contorting with confusion. His head felt like it would explode any minute now, but he concentrated on the burn in his eyes, and wiped at them with his sleeves.

God, did he feel pathetic for crying in front of Kyle. At least it was good to know he wasn't the only one, but then again, he couldn't help the guilt that he actually made Kyle shed a few tears too. Like they were kids again. Just not-so-innocent, but still vulnerable children even if they were almost adults. No, wait. That sounded ridiculous. Fuck alcohol.

"Yeah, I uh, I actually went to him for... well, relationship advice." Kyle admitted sheepishly and followed Stan back to the couch and their previous places. Stan fell silent again, but this time Kyle didn't hesitate to catch his hand, now that they exposed their feelings. He let out a small sigh which transformed into a chuckle. "We must be really stupid to realize all of this now."

Stan nodded slowly, sniffing and wiping his nose with his sleeve again. He looked up, easily reciprocating Kyle's smile despite the stinging in his eyes and the swirling of his head. That wasn't the alcohol's doing anymore. He was more drunk being in love, even if it sounded horribly cheesy and tooth-rotting.

"I love you." Stan managed to say, now slower than he did the first time. He raised his hands to cup Kyle's jaw, thumbs tracing his soft cheeks. He was sure he was smiling like an idiot, but he didn't care. "I love you, I love you, I love you-" He finally stopped as he came closer to lean his forehead on Kyle's, releasing a content sigh as their noses brushed against each other.

Kyle broke in a fit of giggles of pure joy as he replicated Stan's movements. They stayed like that for a while, just relishing in each other's touch, scent, warmth.

"Stan?" Kyle whispered after a while. He willed himself to move back without releasing Stan, and continued when the other hummed in response. "Will you... remember this when you sober up?"

"I hope so." Stan breathed out. He thought for a moment before leaning in to brush his lips against Kyle's. "If I don't, be sure to slap some sense into me before I get drunk again."

Kyle sighed and slid his hands down to the sides of Stan's neck. He nodded and leaned in for another kiss or two, or three... okay, maybe more.

But he was still sure to scold Stan later.


End file.
